


Night Of Broken Glass

by ttfan111robstar1



Category: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni | Higurashi When They Cry
Genre: Child Abuse, Escapism, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Satoko Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25030987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttfan111robstar1/pseuds/ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Satoko is punished for taking so long bringing her uncle his things, and finds her own escape.
Relationships: Houjou Satoko & Houjou Satoshi
Kudos: 6





	Night Of Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> My first attempt at a Higurashi fic. Please be kind.
> 
> Comments, bookmarks, and Kudos are welcome at your discretion.

“ _No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality_.” -Shirley Jackson  
  
Escape.  
  
It was a simple word. None would so wish to escape Hinamizawa, lest they be brought back by other worldly influences. But the beautiful thing about words was perspective. Meanings of words changed from one person to another, depending on experiences they’d had, things they believed, and their general views on life. Teacher often stressed the importance of different meanings of words, and how they could be different to others. That was perhaps what Satoko Hōjō took comfort in.  
  
To anyone excluding Rika, escape would connote escaping Hinamizawa. But she and Rika knew that was not the truth. To Satoko, the word escape meant to escape reality. Even for just a little while. Escape was not a destination in the world, it was simply a place in her mind, a place where darkness dared not encroach.

She knew exactly where her escape would take her. Herself and Satoshi, in a beautiful open field. Nii-Nii would set out a picnic lunch for them, and they’d spend the whole day talking with one another and laughing. Nii-Nii would show her a Butterfly perched on a grass blade, and it would fly over onto her finger tip, it’s gossamer wings stained blue as the night sky and yet still seeming to fit. It would stay, just long enough for her to get a view of the pattern on it’s wings, before taking off toward the sky. She and Nii-Nii would watch it fly off, and know that the butterfly was free, as were they both. In her escape there was no home to be trapped in, no venom soaked words being hurled at her. Just an endless sky, a lush field, her Nii-Nii, and the sweet feeling of absolute freedom.  
  
The relief of that idea, that she could be free to do as she pleased, was an enormous weight from her shoulders. At ten years old, she’d shouldered burdens that most thirty year olds would find strenuous, and still she’d carried on, undaunted. Her mother, her stepfather, her brother, all gone. Her uncle, an abusive and sadistic man who cared nothing for her. She’d been handed her burdens early on in life, and she’d taken them on one by one, eventually becoming used to their presence until they no longer weighed her down so heavily. But it did not mean she did not tire from carrying it. The hyper-vigilance, the sensitivity to loud noises, the feeling of always waiting for the other shoe to drop- it all served to wear on her. So, every so often, she would lay down her burden, and rest, by escaping into that sweet place in her mind.  
  
When she slept, she did not dream often. Her sleep was often filled with inky blackness. No color, no images, just sleep. When she did dream, it was usually a nightmare. She’d never had the same one twice. Her mother’s emaciated, water-logged corpse coming to try and drown her. Her stepfather slitting her throat. But the worst had to be when she dreamed of Nii-Nii hitting her and calling her names, just as Uncle did. That was the worst one. Usually, she awakened from nightmares with a gasp, and a few minutes while looking around the room would allow her to sleep. But that time, a choked scream had erupted from her throat as tears poured down her face, and no amount of realizing it was a dream, or telling herself it wasn’t real, could bring her comfort. She hadn’t slept a wink that night.  
  
That beautiful fantasy world existed only in her daydreams. It was a shame, really. She would have loved to have it cross over into her subconscious, just so she could spend more time there. But, perhaps there was a good reason for it never inhabiting her sleep. Because if it did, she would never want to wake up.  
  
_Duck!_

Satoko crouched down to the floor just in time to narrowly avoid the bottle of beer being thrown at her head. It shattered against the wall, leaving millions of glittering brown shards to sparkle on the floor like pieces of garnet. Rainbows reflected off them so much so that they might have been diamonds, and for a moment, the thought occurred to her out of nowhere that this might be the only way she could touch a rainbow.

Reality sank back in moments later as thunderous footsteps approached her, like a lion stalking it’s prey. She cringed back against the wall, shoe crunching under the shards of glass as she spread her arms out wide as though she thought she were a bird who could fly away from all of this.

_Be invisible._

She knew how this game was played. She was no stranger to the rules. Stay in your room, don’t make noise, do what you’re told to the letter, and you will make it out of the day without a scratch. But because she took too long doing _one thing_ to the letter, she was due for punishment. New rules were always being added to the game, and she was never told them. It was like walking through a field of landmines. It was stupid, perhaps, to think that pretending to be invisible now would work when she was so obviously exposed, and yet, it was the thread of hope she desperately clung to. That maybe if she believed hard enough, it would come true, and then she could slip away from here and sink into a hole in the ground deep enough to bury her shame and fear along with her.  
  
The scent of alcohol reached her nose, and it took all of her strength to remain still, as though if she did so long enough, he wouldn’t be able to see her. The smell was enough to make her want to vomit and yet she didn’t because she knew if she did so he’d likely either smear her face in it or make her clean it. Not even a child to him, simply a maid, errand girl, punching bag, and scapegoat for his own failures.  
  
The strike was quick and hard. The sound of flesh hitting flesh resonated in the room, like the last strike of a drum reverberating through a theatre. She did not fall- because if she did it would have meant more of a mess to clean up, and picking glass out of her wounds. She could not show her weakness. Not now. Thought the child still inside of her trembled with fear, she did not break. For if she did, she would have lost the game. And winning the game was all that she had left here. Winning the game meant a chance to stay here, without her uncle, to wait until Nii-Nii’s return.  
  
She did not open her eyes, but she didn’t need to in order to know his face was close to hers. She could feel his warm, vile breath on her neck, and knew his face was mere inches from hers.  
  
“Clean that up.” He growled, and she hurriedly nodded. She was not bending to his will. She simply obeyed in order to get her punishment over with more quickly. There was a distinct difference. To him, it looked as though she were submitting to his wishes. But for her, it was an exit strategy. An excuse to get out of a bad situation unscathed.  
  
She took a calculated risk and opened one eye. He was still there, looming over her like a menace. She looked down, just enough to try and avoid stepping on anymore glass, before she agilely leapt over the shards, and went to get a dustpan and broom. As she reached the cupboard where they were, she began to play out her escape in her mind. These few moments after exiting and before reentering the room were all she had to compose herself. She had to put on her armor against the world now. She had to fortify herself against the horrors that could still await her in the next room. There was no room for error here, no time to let any chinks come into her armor. She could not lose the game.  
  
As Satoko went back into the room, she was not truly there. Though she looked like she was walking, she was really floating, dreaming as she went into the next room. Though her eyes saw shards of broken glass, her mind’s eye saw her Nii-Nii offering her some Sashimi. As she swept up shards, a part of her mind keeping tabs on the fact that her uncle was watching her, her mind was far away from this house, and the horror that currently resided in it. Instead, it was with her brother, some place where fear could not touch her. It was the veil she held up to keep her feelings and emotions at bay- the last line of defense. The only way she could keep herself in the game.  
  
She swept up the shards with a steady hand. It did not tremble, nor did it shake. There would be no admission of weakness here, no chink in her armor through which the awful feelings she knew were buried underneath her calm exterior could get in and sabotage her. Her emotions were a wall, and nobody- _nobody_ \- but Nii-Nii, Rika, and Kei-Chan could ever see through them.  
  
She swept up the tiny pieces, making sure not to miss one glittering shard. There was no room for error here. A mistake on top of an egregious error like the sin of not meeting an unspoken requirement would leave her body so bruised and broken that she’d likely have to say a million prayers just to move her arm. This was delicate and precise work. Though her mind still played her dream on, her eyes remained sharp.  
  
Upon searching for more glittering chips of glass, she found that the neck of the bottle, though broken off, was still in one piece. It was smooth and long at the mouth, like Satoshi’s baseball bat, but upon reaching the end of the neck, where it began to curve into a bottle, it was splintered, like a monster’s raking claws. A shank. She’d heard the word before, when uncle’s friend’s were over. “Shank” hadn’t made sense for her until she saw one of them playfully pretending to jab at her uncle with an empty bottle of beer. That’s when she understood what it meant. To shank meant to stab. _A_ shank must have been something that could be used as a knife.

 _I could stab him right now.  
  
_The thought entered her mind without any warning. It was unwelcome as her mind still focused on her brother. For a second, her mind’s eye tore gaze from Nii-Nii’s face and panicked that it was the voice of Oyashiro speaking to her.  
  
_No, no, no, go back!  
  
_She made her mind go right back to Nii-Nii, trying to shove the thought out of her mind. Thoughts like that got her nowhere. Thoughts like that meant that she would lose the game.  
  
She put the bottle neck in the pan last. The thought tried to enter her mind again, but she shoved it away, and took the dustpan to the trash, watching it rain glittering obsidian as she did. She put the pan and broom away, and then returned to the living room to face the music.  
  
She hung her head, hands clasped together. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here fast enough. It won’t happen again.” She said. Her words were not her own. They were the robotic response of someone who was well trained, and knew their lines. Like a dog. She felt the throb of her cheek more in that moment, a reminder that the ordeal was not yet done. When she went back to her room, her emotions would flood over. But she was not there. Not yet.  
  
He grunted. She knew what that meant. _Get out of here._

Head still hung, she retreated toward her bedroom, steps disguised as someone chastened when they were truly the march of the victorious. She had not lost. Not this time.  
  
She approached the oak door, feeling the old love-hate-dread mixture of emotion she always had when she got to that room. The room was her prison and her safe haven, her detention center and her sanctuary. She was the prisoner and the sheriff all in one, chaining herself to this room for some semblance of escape from reality. This room had seen her greatest highs and lowest lows. The walls were the only witnesses to who she was, and what she felt on the inside. The only witnesses who would never betray her.  
  
She closed the door. She could have locked it, but that would spell trouble. Uncle did not like locked doors, and she knew far better than to test those waters. Not after what had already happened. She walked over to her bed and sat on it. The box spring was rickety and horribly loud. Quiet was a necessity for her survival. Every time those springs creaked, it might as well have been a siren blaring her whereabouts. It was the worst kind of feeling when invisibility mattered so deeply to her.  
  
She looked over to the window. The sun was dipping below the horizon. Now all that was left to do was wait. She pulled the book she kept under her pillow for occasions such as these, and began to read. All the while, her ears strained to hear the sound of footsteps that would either ensure her survival for another day, or bring about her ruin.  
  
After what felt like forever, she heard it. Footsteps coming down the hall. Her heartbeat sped up in her chest, and she shoved the book underneath her pillow, without disturbing the boxspring and its delicate sensibilities. The steps grew louder, and she swore they were in perfect time with her heart thundering in her ears. She shut her eyes, praying that he would leave her be. It was the silent prayer, never uttered from her lips, but always prayed on a loop in her mind.  
  
_Please go, please go, please go.  
  
_The relief that came with his footsteps passing her door was as overwhelming as ever. And yet, she did not rest easily yet. Anything could happen at anytime. Preparedness was key. If something- no matter how insignificant- were to upset her uncle, she would be the target of his rage. The only sound that spelled safety were his boorish snores. Only then could she let her armor fall.  
  
When the sounds finally came, she collapsed onto the bed. The relief came in, followed quickly by her emotions. She sobbed soundlessly, and with few tears. Tears were nuisances in her eyes. They did not clean easily, and they had to be wiped away at a moments notice in case something were to happen. Still, this night, they fell. She cupped her injured cheek in one hand, only now letting herself acknowledge that it had hurt when he’d slapped her. She was certain it would leave a mark. Just something she had to cover with makeup. It was the only thing she was allowed. The smoke designed to cover the mirror so that no one could ever see inside of it clearly- see what was really happening to her.  
  
Kei-Chan had seen, though. Kei-Chan had been horrified to see what uncle did. No smoke could obstruct that. It terrified and comforted her in equal measure. Kei-Chan had seen, so she did not have to hide. And yet, Kei-Chan had seen, and it also meant that he could ensure her loss of the game. The fact that she could not control what he did with this information frightened her more than anything. Still, she trusted Kei-Chan. He reminded her so much of Nii-Nii.

Nii-Nii was why she played the game, why she put herself through all of this. The sweet promise of him someday walking through that door and coming home was as savory as the creamy center of an expensive chocolate. Nii-Nii had done all he could to protect her. Now it was her turn to do the same for him by protecting their home, so that he could find her again.  
  
When she felt cried out, she turned onto her side. The moon was full, it’s gentle light trying to kiss her eyelids. She looked at it, overseeing all of the village. Perhaps the moon saw Nii-Nii too.  
  
_Take care of Nii-Nii for me.  
  
_It was her silent wish, her one request of the moon every night. She had to believe that Nii-Nii was out there somewhere. If she didn’t, that was the end. Of her, of everything she had ever lived for. She would splinter into tiny pieces, just like that glass bottle, and just like Humpty Dumpty, no one would ever be able to put her together again.  
  
Carefully, she climbed under the covers, ignoring the lack of pajamas she wore. Curled up underneath her blankets, in the sanctuary of her room and the privacy of the night, she could finally allow her mind to drift to happier things. She closed her eyes, and allowed her mind to take her to where Nii-Nii was. The place where there was no pain, no fear, and no panic. Far away from the night of broken glass. And as she lie there, eyes shut as she blocked out the world, the ghost of her desire for comfort wrapped itself around her, and lulled her to sleep.  
  



End file.
